I worked with a senior manager named Bill in the mid-80’s who thought that fanny patting demonstrated a positive climate of team spirit. Needless to say, eventually an employee filed a complaint. To say Bill was unrepentant at my our first meeting is like saying a pit bull can become mildly annoyed if provoked.
I began to quote company policy, legal liability, new societal norms, and disciplinary consequences to him (not one of my more thoughtful problem solving approaches) when Tom, a senior colleague who had joined us, took the alternative path of emotional connection by asking him, “Would you approve of your daughter’s boss patting her fanny at the office? “Bill turned red and I braced for an explosion, but after several moments he said, “I never looked at it that way and I won’t do it or tolerant it from now on”.
Tom’s contribution to this discussion was to connect Bill with an emotion that moved him from his defensive position to seeing the situation (and likely his world) in a different way. An excellent example of the power of surprise to create “aha” moments that motivate people to change. Where are the opportunities for “aha” moments by connecting your peers or team to remove a barrier to change?